The Mind of H
A compilation of poems and stories I wrote myself. My writing, while a bit amateur, is strictly from the heart. I hope you enjoy. I enjoy feedback, so anything you like (or dislike) please leave a comment.
Monday, October 3, 2016
One of us
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Rain, Part 2
Rain, Part 2
It was only a stroke of luck that it was raining that afternoon.
That’s exactly what Mark was thinking as he walked away from the bus stop where he met Emily. He was happy with his life. He had a good job, a wonderful son, and a beautiful wife who loved him and whom he loved. Or so he thought.
As the rain poured on, it made a hollow sound as it hit the felt of his hood. The wet sloshing of cars passing by, the sound of laughter as the kids jumped into puddles splashing their friends. But, all that went unnoticed as his mind was stuck rewinding a scene from his past.
Everything went perfectly. He carried her books as they walked home, the casual lunch where he told her how pretty she looked, and the long conversation on their way home about the future. She wanted to have a family, and so did he. They spoke about the kind of people they wanted to marry, and she described someone who might have passed for Mark, and he described her exactly.
“I don’t understand.” He said to himself.
That day was perfect in every way. Everything was perfect. Even the kiss was perfect. It wasn’t like he forced it on her. They were standing in front of her house, saying their goodbyes, and he went in as gracefully and smoothly as a gentleman should. She was about to kiss him back, he felt it, but then she pulled away. She yelled at him and kicked him out of her life. That was the end of it.
He only saw her in school after that, but his attempts to talk to her were always greeted with a cold shoulder. He moved away to go to college, and on one of his vacations back home he got together with Tessa. One thing led to another and the next thing he knew, she broke the big news to him. Tessa was pregnant. His mother wasn’t happy about that. As the principle of the school in the town, she couldn’t allow something like this to happen. What would the parents think if they knew she couldn’t control her own child. She wouldn’t last a day, the parents would lynch her. So within the month, Tessa and Mark were married. They left the town to get away from their parents, and raise their child in a less judgmental environment.
He shook himself out of his thoughts as he approached his friends house. His son Jason was inside playing with the other kids. It was a birthday party or play date or something, he didn’t know and he didn’t care. He just knew Jason was having fun. At four years old he was bright for his age. He could already string long sentences together. He had his mother face, but he had his father sharp blue eyes. His mind wandered again. He wondered what Jason would have looked like if Emily and him had got together, if that kiss hadn’t broken them up.
He shook himself out of his thoughts again. Why was he thinking about this now? That’s history now, and he can’t do anything about it. Why was she in his thoughts, after he had forgotten her for so long?
“Damn you Emily” He muttered under his breath
Jason, already in his rain coat, was waiting for him. He took him by the hand and started walking home.
It was only a stroke of luck that it was raining that afternoon.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Azure and the Glass Castle
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a beautiful land ruled over by a kind king. The king loved many things, he loved his people, he loved his land, but what he loved most of all was the beautiful skies above his land. The glorious day sky was like the purest sapphire. The sun was never too hot, and the clouds floated gracefully without a care. The evening sky was however, a most spectacular sight. Millions of stars shone in the night sky, their brilliance making even the brightest gems at the local jewelers look shamefully dull in comparison. The moon was truly the king of the night. The white orb of brilliance caused many of the local poets and minstrels to sing praise to the wondrous majesty of its grace and beauty.
"I cannot sleep" she replied weakly
"What horror keeps you awake while your land sleeps?"
"No horror other than this glass castle. I cannot sleep for the light shines too bright"
"Will you listen to the advice of a poor merchant?"
"I have listened to doctors and healers, some of whom were jesters. I see no harm in taking your kind advice"
"Jest not with me merchant! Begone!"
"I jest not your highness. Tonight, when you retire to your bed, look into the moon, and allow its light to comfort you. The moon hates you not, t’is only doing what it knows to do."
"I shall try your method merchant, but I do not think it will help"
"I bid you comfort and ease young princess. Farewell"
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Dearest Beth
To: beth.k@email.com
From: james127@email.com
Aug. 11, 2010
Dearest Beth,
I am writing this as I’m on my way to the airport. I’ve finally given up hope that things will get better somehow. I’ve decided to leave the country, and go somewhere where I can start fresh. I know you’ll hate me for this, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t live a lie, and I can’t drag you down into this lie with me. We had some good times and some bad ones, but I’ll always remember you for the person that loved me for who I am.
Something happened recently that changed me from the inside. I’m no longer the man you married. I’m no longer the man that wanted to have a life and a family with you. Today I’m just broken.
I met someone else. I’ve fallen in love with her, and no matter what I do, I can’t fall out of love with her. I refuse to do this to you. I refuse to cheat on you, and I refuse to break your heart. I won’t allow myself to be happy with her, knowing that I hurt you. The only decision left was to leave both of you.
I hope you understand why I did this. I know that you’ll never forgive me, but I pray you find the happiness you deserve with someone better than me.
Good bye,
James
To: beth.k@email.com
From: james127@email.com
Aug. 12, 2010
Dearest Beth,
I have just landed, and I really don’t know why I’m writing this to you. I’ve already said my good byes, but somehow, talking to you makes me feel less depressed. I have to find a hotel, and then start looking for a job. I hope this new life will help me forget everything that happened.
I have a confession to make, I didn’t quit my job, I was fired. I got fired because I was making too many mistakes. It was all because I was so busy thinking about you and her, and how I would fix this problem. I couldn’t concentrate anymore. So one day my boss asked me to talk to him. We sat down and he started asking me about my work. I told him what was happening. He told me that I was a fool to ruin something so good just for the chance to be with someone else. He said that I didn’t even know if she would accept me. I know she will accept me. I’m so in love with her, I would do anything.
Anyways, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. I now believe that he was right. I ruined something perfect for a blind chance. I just wanted you to know the truth about me.
James
To: beth.k@email.com
From: james127@email.com
Aug 23, 2010
Dearest Beth,
I don’t know if you have gotten my e-mails or not, because you never reply. I wish you would write back and tell me off. Yell at me, scream, curse, anything, but this silence is killing me. I can understand your disappointment in me. You took me when I thought that there was no way someone could ever fall in love with me. I let you down big time. There’s nothing I can do to make up for this, and I wish I were someone else right now.
I miss my family so much. Please Beth, if there’s any love left inside you for me, please tell them I’m ok. I know my mother worries, and she’s probably frantic right now. Oh God, I can’t imagine what I’ve done to her. She always depended on me to be the strong one, and now I’m the coward.
I’m sorry, I can’t write anymore, I need some fresh air.
James
To: beth.k@email.com
From: james127@email.com
Sep. 9, 2010
I hate myself. I thought that running away would help me forget, but the only thing it’s done is make me more depressed. I miss you so much. I miss your smile, your hugs, and your kisses. I still smell you, even though you’re hundreds of miles away. I made a terrible decision leaving. I regret it everyday, and I know now that I can’t live without you.
I’m coming back soon. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and take me back. I know it’s an impossible thing to ask, but I hope we can go back to normal.
Please forgive me.
James
To: beth.k@email.com
From: james127@email.com
Sep 18, 2010
Dearest Beth,
I just saw on the news. I didn’t know that I would push you so far as to take your own life. I wish I could have been at your funeral, I wish I could have said good bye one last time. It doesn’t matter now anyways.
Don’t worry my love, I’ll be joining you soon, and we can be together again.
I’m so sorry.
James
Monday, November 8, 2010
David
His home life was also up there. He had a beautiful wife, Beth, who after 8 years of marriage and two children, still looked as beautiful as the day he mt her. she was smart, articulate,a wonderful cook, a perfect mother, and could still entice him to come to bed a little earlier than usual with just a look.
His children, 6 year old Tania, and 4 year old Mikey, were both angels. They would rush to the door to give him a hug when he came home, say their prayers before meals and bed, and they were relatively neat for children. "Then again, a person can't have everything perfect" He chuckled to himself.
It was all so wonderful, but lately he had been having some thoughts. What if his life was indeed too perfect? The thoughts never really lasted for more than a second, but they unnerved him nonetheless.
He unlocks his front door to the sounds of little footsteps running down the stairs to greet him, and the smell of his favorite meal, roast chicken. He quickly drops his bag on the floor to catch a leaping Tanya in his arms.
"I missed you Daddy, you were gone a long time!" She scolds.
"I know baby, I'm back now!" As he gives her his most charming smile
"Let Mommy have a hug Tanya" Comes a voice from around the corner.
Beth walks in and with the practice that only comes from routine, picks Tanya off her father and gives him a welcome home kiss.
"Get yourself cleaned up, dinner is almost ready"
"Wheres Mikey?"
"Mikey has a stomach flu, he's in bed. Poor darling has been throwing up all day"
"I'll go check up him, and then i'll wash up"
As he takes off his jacket, he notices a nasty cut on Beths wrist. Her usually pale skin causing it to stand out and look furious.
"Are you ok hun? Looks like a bad cut there."
"Yeah it's ok, Tanya was horsing around while I was putting away the cutting knife"
"I'm sorry Mama" Said Tanya with her best apologetic face.
"It's ok baby, now go get ready for dinner"
David walks up the stairs and opens the door to Mikeys room. The room is littered with toys.
"Looks like Mikey isn't as sick as she thought" He thinks.
Mikey is curled up under his sheets. Aside from the occasional stirring, he seemed very quiet. David sits down on the edge of the bed, causing little mikey to turn around at the sudden dip of his bed.
"Hi Daddy!" He says meekly
"Hi little man, how are you feeling?"
"My tummy hurts"
"It's ok, it will go away soon. Now just get some rest."
He walks out of the room and washes up. As he's washing his face, he notices that the mirror is smudged. Kind of looks like nobody has cleaned it in a while. "Poor Beth must be up to her ears with the children" He thinks guiltly. "I'm going to have to do my share of the chores around here"
David comes down the stairs to find dinner on the table and Beth and Tanya already sitting waiting for him. Tanya says a well rehearsed prayer and they start to eat.
"This tastes wonderful dear" He says with a mouthful of chicken
"Thanks dear, i'm glad you like it"
"I think it's missing a little salt though. Tanya, please pass me the salt"
"Oh no you don't! you remember your promise to cut down on the salt. You have a family history of high blood pressure."
"Hmm, did I make that promise? I don't remember." he replies jokingly
"Yes you did. It was right around the time you vowed to love and cherish me till death do us part" Replies Beth with a sly smile
"Oh yeah, I do remember" He replies with a loving smile
They share a laugh, as David notices a slight red mark just under Tanya's hairline.
"Sweetheart, did you hurt yourself today?"
"Yeah, it was when I bumped into Mommy"
"Poor thing bumped her head against the counter, its going to bruise for a while, but she'll be fine"
They finish off dinner, and David helps wash the plates. As soon as teh plates are away, they help Tanya get ready for bed. After Tanya has been tucked away safely for the night, and they settle in their own bed, David turns over and gives his wife a kiss on the back of her neck.
"What was that for" She asks as she turns over.
"Nothing, I just really love you"
"Well, I love you too, and I really miss you"
"I'm here now, no need to miss me anymore"
"I don't know David, but lately I feel so far away"
"Far away from what?"
"Thats just it. I don't know. I just feel like we're not together as much anymore. I feel cold and alone sometimes"
"Honey, are you feeling well? Where is this coming from" He says sounding a bit concerned.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it, probably just tired from the kids"
"Ok honey, get some rest"
David wakes up to the sound of someone calling his name.
"David ... David ... Come on David, wake up, you'll be late for group!"
"Yes, dear. I'm awake"
"David? Have you been dreaming again?"
"Dreaming? No, why do you ask?"
"Because you called me dear again"
"Sorry about that. Force of habit"
20 minutes later, David is sitting in his normal chair, surrounded by familiar faces. The doctor in the white coat singles him out.
"David? Do you think you want to share now? It's been 2 years, and you haven't said a single word in group."
As memories burst through the haze in his mind, he finally breaks down and cries.
"My name is David, and I killed my family"
David
Walking home from work, David was contemplating what a wonderful life he had. David worked as a Therapist at the local mental institute. He ran group therapy sessions with people who needed his help, and he was happy to be able to help them. He could spend his entire day listening to their troubles, and help guide them back to a normal and productive life. Why wouldn't anyone enjoy that? the looks on their faces when one of them finally breaks through the walls despair and depression and opens up about their real problems, was his reward. The kind thank you's he gets as they walk out, was his adrenaline rush. He truly had the best job in the world.
His home life was also up there. He had a beautiful wife, Beth, who after 8 years of marriage and two children, still looked as beautiful as the day he mt her. she was smart, articulate,a wonderful cook, a perfect mother, and could still entice him to come to bed a little earlier than usual with just a look.
His children, 6 year old Tania, and 4 year old Mikey, were both angels. They would rush to the door to give him a hug when he came home, say their prayers before meals and bed, and they were relatively neat for children. "Then again, a person can't have everything perfect" He chuckled to himself.
It was all so wonderful, but lately he had been having some thoughts. What if his life was indeed too perfect? The thoughts never really lasted for more than a second, but they unnerved him nonetheless.
He unlocks his front door to the sounds of little footsteps running down the stairs to greet him, and the smell of his favorite meal, roast chicken. He quickly drops his bag on the floor to catch a leaping Tanya in his arms.
"I missed you Daddy, you were gone a long time!" She scolds.
"I know baby, I'm back now!" As he gives her his most charming smile
"Let Mommy have a hug Tanya" Comes a voice from around the corner.
Beth walks in and with the practice that only comes from routine, picks Tanya off her father and gives him a welcome home kiss.
"Get yourself cleaned up, dinner is almost ready"
"Wheres Mikey?"
"Mikey has a stomach flu, he's in bed. Poor darling has been throwing up all day"
"I'll go check up him, and then i'll wash up"
As he takes off his jacket, he notices a nasty cut on Beths wrist. Her usually pale skin causing it to stand out and look furious.
"Are you ok hun? Looks like a bad cut there."
"Yeah it's ok, Tanya was horsing around while I was putting away the cutting knife"
"I'm sorry Mama" Said Tanya with her best apologetic face.
"It's ok baby, now go get ready for dinner"
David walks up the stairs and opens the door to Mikeys room. The room is littered with toys.
"Looks like Mikey isn't as sick as she thought" He thinks.
Mikey is curled up under his sheets. Aside from the occasional stirring, he seemed very quiet. David sits down on the edge of the bed, causing little mikey to turn around at the sudden dip of his bed.
"Hi Daddy!" He says meekly
"Hi little man, how are you feeling?"
"My tummy hurts"
"It's ok, it will go away soon. Now just get some rest."
He walks out of the room and washes up. As he's washing his face, he notices that the mirror is smudged. Kinf of looks like nobody has cleaned it in a while. "Poor Beth must be up to her ears with the children" He thinks guiltly. "I'm going to have to do my share of the chores around here"
David comes down the stairs to find dinner on the table and Beth and Tanya already sitting waiting for him. Tanya says a well rehearsed prayer and they start to eat.
"This tastes wonderful dear" He says with a mouthful of chicken
"Thanks dear, i'm glad you like it"
"I think it's missing a little salt though. Tanya, please pass me the salt"
"Oh no you don't! you remember your promise to cut down on the salt. You have a family history of high blood pressure."
"Hmm, did I make that promise? I don't remember." he replies jokingly
"Yes you did. It was right around the time you vowed to love and cherish me till death do us part" Replies Beth with a sly smile
"Oh yeah, I do remember" He replies with a loving smile
They share a laugh, as David notices a slight red mark just under Tanias hairline.
"Sweetheart, did you hurt yourself today?"
"Yeah, it was when I bumped into Mommy"
"Poor thing bumped her head against the counter, its going to bruise for a while, but she'll be fine"
They finish off dinner, and David helps wash the plates. As soon as teh plates are away, they help Tanya get ready for bed. After Tanya has been tucked away safely for the night, and they settle in their own bed, David turns over and gives his wife a kiss on the back of her neck.
"What was that for" She asks as she turns over.
"Nothing, I just really love you"
"Well, I love you too, and I really miss you"
"I'm here now, no need to miss me anymore"
"I don't know David, but lately I feel so far away"
"Far away from what?"
"Thats just it. I don't know. I just feel like we're not together as much anymore. I feel cold and alone sometimes"
"Honey, are you feeling well? Where is this coming from" He says sounding a bit concerned.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it, probably just tired from the kids"
"Ok honey, get some rest"
David wakes up to the sound of someone calling his name.
"David ... David ... Come on David, wake up, you'll be late for group!"
"Yes, dear. I'm awake"
"David? Have you been dreaming again?"
"Dreaming? No, why do you ask?"
"Because you called me dear again"
"Sorry about that. Force of habit"
20 minutes later David is sitting in his normal chair, surrounded by familiar faces. The doctor in the white coat singles him out.
"David? Do you think you want to share now? It's been 2 years, and you haven't said a single word in group."
As memories burst through the haze in his mind, he finally breaks down and cries.
"My name is David, and I killed my family"
Monday, November 1, 2010
The End of the Road
The start of the road
Looks strangely like the rest of it
I ride in no direction
I arrive at no destination
A jack-knifed semi on the road
Turned over spilling its load
Dead and face down in the dirt
A man wearing a plaid shirt
Looks up at me without a word
Then calmly flips me the bird
A road-side diner, open till late
Rows of cows lined up in wait
They serve them steaks in a frenzied haste
It’s not cannibalism, just an acquired taste
A little girl forces me to a halt
Her wedding dress as white as salt
Aiming at me with a little fling
A diamond strikes me, her wedding ring
I see myself old and wearing a dusty old suit
I flag myself down, with a hand raised in salute
I greet myself with a great big hug
And a knife in my back as I walk away all smug
The end of the road
Looks strangely like the rest of it