Dearest Beth

To: beth.k@email.com

From: james127@email.com

Aug. 11, 2010

Dearest Beth,

I am writing this as I’m on my way to the airport. I’ve finally given up hope that things will get better somehow. I’ve decided to leave the country, and go somewhere where I can start fresh. I know you’ll hate me for this, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t live a lie, and I can’t drag you down into this lie with me. We had some good times and some bad ones, but I’ll always remember you for the person that loved me for who I am.

Something happened recently that changed me from the inside. I’m no longer the man you married. I’m no longer the man that wanted to have a life and a family with you. Today I’m just broken.

I met someone else. I’ve fallen in love with her, and no matter what I do, I can’t fall out of love with her. I refuse to do this to you. I refuse to cheat on you, and I refuse to break your heart. I won’t allow myself to be happy with her, knowing that I hurt you. The only decision left was to leave both of you.

I hope you understand why I did this. I know that you’ll never forgive me, but I pray you find the happiness you deserve with someone better than me.

Good bye,

James

To: beth.k@email.com

From: james127@email.com

Aug. 12, 2010

Dearest Beth,

I have just landed, and I really don’t know why I’m writing this to you. I’ve already said my good byes, but somehow, talking to you makes me feel less depressed. I have to find a hotel, and then start looking for a job. I hope this new life will help me forget everything that happened.

I have a confession to make, I didn’t quit my job, I was fired. I got fired because I was making too many mistakes. It was all because I was so busy thinking about you and her, and how I would fix this problem. I couldn’t concentrate anymore. So one day my boss asked me to talk to him. We sat down and he started asking me about my work. I told him what was happening. He told me that I was a fool to ruin something so good just for the chance to be with someone else. He said that I didn’t even know if she would accept me. I know she will accept me. I’m so in love with her, I would do anything.

Anyways, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. I now believe that he was right. I ruined something perfect for a blind chance. I just wanted you to know the truth about me.

James

To: beth.k@email.com

From: james127@email.com

Aug 23, 2010

Dearest Beth,

I don’t know if you have gotten my e-mails or not, because you never reply. I wish you would write back and tell me off. Yell at me, scream, curse, anything, but this silence is killing me. I can understand your disappointment in me. You took me when I thought that there was no way someone could ever fall in love with me. I let you down big time. There’s nothing I can do to make up for this, and I wish I were someone else right now.

I miss my family so much. Please Beth, if there’s any love left inside you for me, please tell them I’m ok. I know my mother worries, and she’s probably frantic right now. Oh God, I can’t imagine what I’ve done to her. She always depended on me to be the strong one, and now I’m the coward.

I’m sorry, I can’t write anymore, I need some fresh air.

James

To: beth.k@email.com

From: james127@email.com

Sep. 9, 2010

I hate myself. I thought that running away would help me forget, but the only thing it’s done is make me more depressed. I miss you so much. I miss your smile, your hugs, and your kisses. I still smell you, even though you’re hundreds of miles away. I made a terrible decision leaving. I regret it everyday, and I know now that I can’t live without you.

I’m coming back soon. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and take me back. I know it’s an impossible thing to ask, but I hope we can go back to normal.

Please forgive me.

James

To: beth.k@email.com

From: james127@email.com

Sep 18, 2010

Dearest Beth,

I just saw on the news. I didn’t know that I would push you so far as to take your own life. I wish I could have been at your funeral, I wish I could have said good bye one last time. It doesn’t matter now anyways.

Don’t worry my love, I’ll be joining you soon, and we can be together again.

I’m so sorry.

James